Christmas Independence Days update

Little late on this - I've hurt my back and been somewhat out of commission in addition to dealing with everything else that's going on now. In general, Christmas wasn't so hot in terms of my independence days project. It wasn't a wash, I don't think, but between being with my folks and away from home and this year's gift selections...well...it probably could have been better.

The one thing that I was hoping for that I didn't get was Sharon's book, although I did get a gift card that will be used to purchase said book, so that works well too. But another warm wool blanket has found its way into my life, as have some lovely kitchen things that I'm looking forward to using (I still have a few posts planned on aesthetics and, as much as possible, making your home into a place that you want to be). And, from my sweetie I got a copy of the More with Less Cookbook, which I think is a must-have for easy, cheap, and tasty meals from the pantry. But, more specifically, here's the current breakdown.

1. Plant something: Nope.

2. Harvest something: Nope.

3. Preserve something: Also nope.

4. Store something: Nope.

5. Manage Reserves: Not so much.

6. Cook something new: Picked up a few new recipes from mom, as well as two new cookbooks to try out.

7. Prepped something: Got another wool blanket to add to the reserves, as well as a hand-turned egg beater (I've been looking for one for ages, but all the new ones I found were small and stiff and badly made - this one is lovely, though.)

8. Learned a new skill: Nope, although my brother has promised to teach me the basics of bike repairs and, possibly, home brewing.

9. Worked on community food security: Talked a bit about food issues with my parents and boyfriend by taking advantage of a relocation show on HGTV talking about a family moving to Ireland and buying a small farm to become sustainable.

10. Reduced waste: Had the joy of being in a city with a large green box (high-level composting) program - I have to admit that I pined for the same in my city, but no signs of that coming to fruition, so I guess it's back to the worm box plan.

11. Regenerated: Donated to the church, which has some excellent outreach efforts through their foodbank, both in terms of feeding people and working on generating community.

Making technology serve

I'd already been thinking about this a bit, but Sharon Sharonrecently had an interesting post on Obsolete Technologiesobsolete technologies that got me thinking a bit more.

I have to confess, I have technology. I just (literally yesterday) bought a new laptop. A new, high-end, very expensive laptop. It took me a long time to get it - almost 8 months to finally bite the bullet and just get it, and even then it took a lot of hand holding to get me through. I put it on my credit card, but I have the money, and have been saving for this for years, but for some reason this doesn't tend to make spending the money any easier for me. I always debate purchases like this, and then debate them some more. But, given my academic research (virtual worlds and the like), my old four and half year old laptop literally couldn't run the programs I needed anymore and was causing me a lot of grief. It felt like a worthwhile investment to get a new one. Now, I could probably have done this cheaper, or with a less nice computer. But the plan is that this one will last me a long time and will, with any luck, get me through the dissertation faster which will be cheaper in the long run. And so, here I am.

A laptop isn't all that I have. I have a TV and a VCR, both of which I inherited when my grandmother died, as well as a $40 DVD player that was a gift from my sweetie. I have a cell phone, which is a hand-me-down from my sweetie and soon to be on a cheapie pay-as-you-go plan. I also have an iPod, which was a birthday gift four or five years ago from my ex. I have a digital camera (which may be used for some photos here soon), but that I bought for myself, also with the intention of it lasting a number of years. Now, I do like most of this technology - love the iPod, the cell is handy in emergencies, and the TV is nice for cheap entertainment and vegging out in the evenings. But, truth be told, I'd be fine without any of it, but looking at the list, it's all been passed along by someone else.

Other than the laptop and the camera, all of this technology has been giving to me. And, when I look around, I realise that most of what I've bought for myself and what gets used regularly are not the fancy technology options. I have my grandmother's 1950s electric sewing machine, but I frequently use that without power and just hand crank it instead. I have a hand-crank radio that I listen to when I'm working around the house. I love my little spring-loaded chopper, my hand-crank grain mill (as coarse as it grinds), and kneading bread by hand before it goes into the oven.

I sometimes feel as though I live in two worlds. Because of my research, I participate regularly in a high-technology and high-energy world just by virtue of my research (although I am working on some papers dealing with energy consumption and social justice issues in the hopes of somehow redeeming myself.) But, when I'm at home, I slip into a rather domestic, rather low-energy space where I cook from scratch, knit, bake, sew, try to grow things, and use whatever obsolete technologies I have that I enjoy.

But lately I've been thinking about these high-level technologies, and wondering how I might be able to make them work for me a bit better than they are now. How, for example, can they serve as tools for this low-energy, sustainable life that I'm looking for? How can they serve me other than academically? At the same time, I'm also looking into how I might be able to power a laptop long term, and might see if a friend of mine at 3M could help me set up a solar rig for the new laptop, since it has lower energy needs than the old one.

I haven't quite worked it all yet, but here are a few ideas that I'm looking into.

1. Learning and teaching - with the availability of podcasts and videos now, I'm trying to build up a library of materials (especially now that I have a much larger hard drive) that will be useful for teaching and learning. Thus far, I'm looking into subject podcasts, like history, science, and social studies, as well as language lessons. I'd also like to get together a bunch of videos showing things like bike repair, building a chicken coop, milking a goat, playing a guitar, and anything else that might be useful to know. I'm also pulling together a library of PDFs with the same information - books and articles, printouts of web pages, musical scores - really, anything that might be useful.

2. Entertainment - I love my guitar for entertainment, and have many shelves worth of books around my apartment. But, sometimes it's nice to just sit down and watch a movie. And, while learning takes priority, I haven't ruled out the possibility of using a laptop for some music or a film when the urge strikes.

3. Warmth - Okay, this might be stretching it a bit, but once I realised that my old laptop threw a lot of heat, I made sure to use it in bed with me. It warmed up the bed a bit, and felt rather nice. My hot water bottle is just as effective and less prone to breakage, but I'll take whatever I can get right.

I'm still thinking this through, but would be happy to take on any suggestions that others might have about how they're using their technologies.

It's been a bit of a hard Christmas thus far well above and beyond my (relatively minor in the whole scheme of things) gift issues. My sweetie was laid off yesterday and, while I suppose this doesn't have a huge immediate effect on me, since we don't live anywhere close to each other, it's put a bit of a damper on the whole thing. I'm a worrier, and I find myself...well...worrying. He syas he's okay with savings for a bit, and his mom and I will help out wherever possible, but with the economic climate and everything else that's going on, I worry all the same.

My greatest fear in life is that the people around me who I love will suffer. I worry about my own situation sometimes, but in a way that's probably more realistic. The thought of anyone that I love hurt or cold or hungry or, god forbid, homeless can reduce me to tears in remarkably short order. I worry about these things for myself, but they don't affect me as much as the thought of it happening to someone I care about. The very thought brings me to my knees, and I would sooner suffer cold or hunger myself if it meant allowing someone who I love to have a bit more of what they needed.

The fact that we're in tough times only reminds me a lot of these things. I hear all the stories about people who can't afford their homes, and can't afford food, and are just trying to get by, and I transpose it onto the people that I know. I see signs at the church about the dinner the food bank is hosting tomorrow. I feel even worse when I look at the gifts under the tree and know that not only are there people with no gifts, but those with no warmth, or food, or even homes tonight, and it breaks my heart open even more.

But sweetie and I were talking tonight, and he told me that he'd found out that a friend from high school, who's only a year younger than he is, had died of a heart attack. He left behind his wife of only four months who is also six weeks pregnant. And, while he wishes that it didn't happen this way, he assures me that the who thing has really put the whole situation into perspective a bit more.

And so, rather than focusing just on those important things that need work, I'm also trying to remember the good and all that I'm grateful for. As I said earlier, this time of year really isn't about the gifts, or even about the food or the travel or anything like that. It's about home and friends and family and good company and hospitality. And it's about values - love, friendship, caring, sharing, warmth, valuing what we have, and celebrating as we come back into season of light. And so these are the things that I'm thinking about as I try to find my self-forgiveness from earlier and a way to get past only allowing in the worry that's taken hold of me, both for my sweetie and, more broadly, for the world. And so...

I'm grateful that I have friends and family and a wonderful sweetie who love me, support me, and care for me.

I'm grateful that I'm healthy, and that I have the means to help keep myself that way.

I'm grateful that I have a comfortable apartment to head home to, with food in the pantry, warm blankets on the bed, and tools and objects that serve me well.

I'm grateful that I have money in my wallet and in my bank account. I'm also grateful that I was able to let go a bit of my need to hold onto it and put some in the collection plate at church tonight, something I'm not always so good at.

I'm grateful to have a job that I love and the support that I need to do it well.

I'm grateful that I have a safety net if I need it.

I'm grateful that I'm aware of issues in the world, and that I have the capacity to do something about them.

I'm grateful that I have so much love in my life, but even more that I have love for life, and that I still feel that there's room for change, and growth, and making our way into something new and hopefully better than what we have now.

Happy holidays to everyone out there, and I truly hope that you have at least some things in your life to be grateful for as well as hope that things that aren't so good will somehow get better.

Pacem in Terris.

Teaching the teachers to teach

One of the things I've been trying to think about recently is resources that I can get from the university. I started out under the impression that most of the resources that I think I need are not available at the university. They're simply not going to teach me how to put in a garden, raise animals, or build my own house. Or, if they do, it won't be in the way that I want them to do so.

But, lately I've been thinking about furthering my own career, as well as trying to broaden my perspective on what the university has to offer, and I've come up with some interesting possibilities.

In terms of my own work, I haven't yet given up on teaching as an ongoing career. I still plan to finish my degree and do what I can with it, and I'm hoping to do it fairly quickly so it won't be too expensive. But I've realised that the university has free programs for its grad students that I can use and that might just help me get a job down the road, which is useful.

So today I signed up for their teaching certificate program. It has a few different components to teach grad students how to be better teachers, including lectures and workshops. It'll take a bit of time to do, but hopefully it will make it a bit easier for me to get a job down the road, and to keep doing what I love.

But it also struck me, as I was reading about the program and what it offers, that many of the things it teaches are more widely useful. A lot of the focus is on how to teach or, more broadly, how to effective communicate information in an engaging way so people can learn from it. While this is useful in teaching, I suspect it's also going to be crucial in the kind of world that we're moving into. We're going to need to pass information to each other to survive, and show other people how to do things that they're just not familiar with. Need to know how to shear a sheep? Someone will probably have to show you. The same goes for any manner of jobs that are no longer common knowledge, from spinning to making a barrel and from growing a garden to building a cabin.

So, while it's maybe not exactly the kind of resources that I want in terms of practical peak oil skills, I'm trying to open my eyes to see what I can draw on that's free and easily available that might help me and others down the road. I also suspect that there might be other people who have access to similar programs that might be worth considering. Does your job offer special professional development courses on leadership or communication skills? Is your university willing to teach you study skills or how to more effectively research topics? These kind of courses might not be immediately applicable to peak oil, but they offer skills that we're going to need more than ever, especially as we try to revive and transmit other skills that will be necessary to our survival. We're going to need to know how to learn and research and teach in effective way that allow us to know and share the information that will help to keep us alive. And this, I suspect, makes them absolutely worth looking into.

The Christmas gift that wasn't

I've been thinking about this post for awhile, and wondering how it reflects on my, and whether I should post it or not. But, I'm a pretty honest person, and I think I can put my failures out there too, so here goes.

When mom originally asked what I wanted for Christmas this year, I told her a grain mill. I even told her which one - the Lehman's Best grain mill, for those of you who are interested. She looked it up and emailed me a few days later, telling me that she'd looked at it, but was concerned because it was a bit expensive, and with shipping and the conversion and taxes and any duty it would use up the bulk of their budget for me. And, she pointed out, since it was backordered, I might not even have anything under the tree at all. So, I called her with the goal of explaining why I wanted it and that that was okay, and we talked. And she expressed concern - rather a lot of concern, actually - that I wouldn't have as many gifts under the tree as anyone else. Now, this isn't really a huge deal - last year they bought me the expensive running shoes favoured by my bum ankle, which was the bulk of my gift, and we have a general tradition of a larger gift and then a few smaller ones - but she was concerned. And, I have to admit, the more she talked about it, the more I didn't feel so great about the prospect either.

So, I sent her a list of books that I wanted. Some useful for peak oil and sustainability, some that I just wnated to read and that were on my wishlist. I love books, and I think they're great to have around, especially for a low-energy lifestyle.
I tossed in suggestions for a capo and guitar book so I can work on those skills and hopefully improve enough that it can be a viable form of entertainment.

But, I came home the other day, and found that I have a significantly larger pile of gifts than anyone else (which mom actually pointed out to me), which is kind of odd, given how she was talking. Apparently mom and dad wanted some more expensive things, and so have less packages (well, more expensive for us, which is pretty much the difference between a sweater and a book). Heck, my brother couldn't even think of anything he wanted, and he's getting a cheque from them and a single gift. So, really, I'm not sure why my grain mill as one big gift request was such a big deal. So, now I have a bigger pile of gifts, and the fun (that would be a sarcastic fun, for those of you following along at home) of opening gifts for awhile after everyone else has finished, which is always rather embarassing and a not-good feeling, at least for me.

Now, I don't want to blame this all on my mom, since I was caught up in the whole gift thing probably more than I would really like to admit. I can't say that having as many presents as everyone else wasn't appealing, and if I'm honest, I suspect that I didn't want to be the only one sitting there with one gift while everyone else was working their way through a pile. But I feel like such a sucker now, and every time I see that pile of gifts I feel really bad about it. Even though they're all things that I've wanted to read and would like to have on hand, I keep thinking that I could have just used the library for them. And they're more things that I'll have to move eventually. And I could have asked for a grain mill instead. I still plan to buy one as a way to take care of myself and, if need be, of them too, but even though it's not the end of the world I just feel so foolish and suckered in and...well...kind of dirty about the whole thing. I don't want to be a person who gets caught up in things like this, especially when I was really starting to feel like I wasn't.

(And, really, don't get me started about the fact that I could have just asked for a donation to be made to Heifer International or any other charity. That just leaves me feeling even worse, and I'm about to make another donation in lieu of what I should have done in the first place.)

So, what's the moral of the story here? I guess for me it's at least partly to remember that this isn't about the gifts - getting caught up in the commercialism isn't useful and seriously pulls me away from where and who I want to be. And perhaps even more importantly, it's okay to be my usual different self, and to approach something like this in a different way than people expect or even want from me. And yeah, that's kind of hard when it's my mom who seems to want something different than what I do, and expresses in terms of concern for me (which is admittedly sweet, in a way). But apparently I need to work even harder at avoiding these traps and sticking to my guns about my needs and desires in all of this.

And so, tonight I'm going to try to find myself a bit of self-forgiveness and accept that I made a bit of a mistake which I'm feeling arther acutely right now. And tomorrow I'm going to get up and open my gifts. And I'm going to be grateful for them and for the people who cared enough to give me those gifts (and yes, love isn't about gifts, but the can still be rather thoughtful), and I'm going to enjoy them, and think about how they can be useful to this project that I'm on, even if it's not as immediately apparent as I might like. Later I'm going to order myself a grain mill and work harder at my own project and the things that I need to do for myself. And then, in just under a year, I'm going to try to remember these lessons and be more careful around Christmas so as to not fall into the same trap. I can certainly learn my lesson here, it's just feeling like a bit of a bitter pill to swallow right now, especially in the face of Christmas and all it's supposed to represent.

Edited to add: It's after Christmas morning here (my folks still wake us up a bit early for the whole gift thing), and I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I got some nice gifts, nothing too extravagant and, it turns out that mom was pushing so hard against the grain mill because they already had a few things for me. And, while I suppose I could have pushed harder, either for a mill or for some more donations, it probably wasn't happening so much anyway. But, I got a bit of money from the grandparents, and that will probably go towards a mill.

Independence Days update

1. Plant something: didn't plant anything directly, but I did order a number of seed catalogues to plan for this summer; checked for seeds in a few local stores, but was disappointed by the offerings there.

2. Harvest something: again, not so much here this week.

3. Preserve something: dehydrated nine pounds of carrots, a head of celery, celery leaves, and some cabbage.

4. Store something: soy sauce and mung beans from the local Asian grocery store; more water in reused plastic bottles and jugs.

5. Manage reserves: went through bags of carrots, onions, and potatoes to remove any going bad.

6. Cook something new: tried a new pad thai recipe; made whole wheat apple cinnamon muffins.

7. Prepped something: further decluttered my apartment, and especially the kitchen (so much easier to cook and keep clean now!); picked up a good-sized cast iron dutch oven on clearance and two more wool blankets from the thrift store.

8. Learned a new skill: didn't learn anything new, but I have been working on my sewing skills.

9. Worked on community food security: talked to some friends about Peak Oil and food issues (although I'm not sure how effective this was).

10. Reduced waste: left out cleaning supplies (from my houseguest, which I won't use) in the building's laundry room for someone else; reused old pots for plants on the patio; saving egg cartons to use to start seedlings in the spring; dehydrated foods rather than throwing them out before heading home for Christmas.

11. Regenerated: put more donations aside for Goodwill.

The decluttering saga

It's been a busy week, and my apartment shows it. Or, at least, that's what I tell myself. However, I've been realising recently that having too much stuff makes it harder for me to keep my place, although not always in the ways that I expect.

Sure, having too much stuff means it's difficult to find places for things and get them away. If there are less hangers than clothes or less shelf space than plates, then things don't get put away, and the mess grows.

At the same time, as the mess grows, it gets harder to put away those things that do have homes. When things have to be stepped over and reached around, it gets harder to put everything away, and the mess grows still more.

However, having a lot of stuff also means that it's easier for me to not do the tasks that I need to do. With more clothes than I need it's easier to not do the laundry, since I don't need to do it to ensure I have clothes in the morning. With a lot of dishes, there's no need to wash the dirty ones since clean ones are still available for use. This really came into focus tonight when I came across a container of cutlery set aside by a houseguest that I didn't know about. It was so moldy and so stinky that I wound up having to bleach the whole thing. I realised, as I was elbow-deep in bleach water, that I had far too much to clean and, if I didn't have so much, maybe I would have missed those dishes and cleaned them earlier.

While I'm trying to make sure I have a bit of a stockpile of things on hand, I need to balance this need with the stuff that I have. The truth is, I do have a lot of stuff that I don't need, and that I doubt will come in handy even if TEOTWAWKI arrives. So, once I was done cleaning my stinky dishes, I started getting rid of stuff from the kitchen. I got rid of a whole bunch of mis-matched cutlery (especially the most stupid-tiny tea spoons that I've ever seen), as well as a set of Christmas cookie cutters. I also set aside 12 sets of boring and really cheap ikea cutlery only to be used when I have potlucks (and possibly to be gotten rid of soon, really), and left myself fibe sets of nice (albeit a bit mismatched) silverware - four for home, and one to leave on campus - to use for everyday.

I'm hoping to use a similar appraoch on the rest of my stuff. While I'd like to get rid of as much as I can that I don't need, I'm hoping to take the extra things that I want to hold onto and set them aside. This way, they're there if they're needed, but they're not cluttering up my immediate living space, getting in my way, and allowing me to go far too long without dealing with things that should probably be dealt with. Next stop? My bedroom closet, and the too-many sweaters that it holds.

For those who are interest, one thing that I've done is to frame a print-out of this freebie posterfrom ReadyMade, designed to, "eeimagine the populist poster art of the first Great Depression" (interesting mention of "first" there). It's not much, I suppose, but it's a nice reminder all the same.

Independence Days update

So much grading and other work to do this week, and as a result, I didn't get as much done here as I wanted to. But, at the same time, there were things accomplished, bit by bit, and I'm enjoying keep of track of where I've been, where I am, and where I want to be.

1. Plant something: not so much here again, although i have ordered seed catalogues for the coming year.

2. Harvest something: again, not so much here, but giving some thought about what I would like to harvest in the future.

3. Preserve something: again, not so much here - busy week, and nothing growing over here - but I'm thinking about what I can do for the coming week here.

4. Store something: mung beans, curry paste, and dried shitakes from the Asian grocery store; sugar, flour, and spices from a friend.

5. Manage Reserves: worked on inventory (slow process, but it's coming); sorting the remains of what my temporary houseguest left with me when she left; further decluttering my apartment to make more room; sorting food into appropriate containers.

6. Cook something new: tried a new pad thai recipe; made red curry soup with veggies and rice noodles; made ginger crinkle cookies from scratch for a party (yum!)

7. Prep something: picked up a not-so-great grain grinder from Goodwill, and I'm working to see if it's very coarse grinding can be improved on at all; also picked up some additional wool from Goodwill (for hand warmers, produce bags, and a patchwork blanket, probably); attached shopping basket to the rack of my favourite bike.

8. Learn a new skill: practicing the guitar and trying to get back my previous abilities; started sewing a bonnet (out of fashion, perhaps, but keeps the sun off and reduces risk of sun stroke).

9. Work on community food security: I kind of sucked here again this week, although I did have a chance to talk to a friend about some of the issues that I'm most concerned with; talked to a colleague about food issues, and asked for a copy of the syllabus for his class that deals with some of these issues; trying to plan how I could introduce these ideas into a class of my own, since this is really important information to be aware of and thinking about.

10. Reduce waste: put in a power bar to turn off appliances and reduce phantom load, especially at night; started collecting extra water in the shower to water plants; picked up paper from recycling bins on campus to use as scrap paper

11. Regenerate: food bank donation; looking into volunteering at the food bank.

Simple changes

Today I plugged in a few appliances that pull a phantom load into a power bar. Now, when I'm out or going to sleep, I can turn them all off with the flick of a switch.

Simple changes

I've started keeping a bucket in the shower. When I shower, it collects extra water, which I then use to water my plants.

Unexpected gifts

Recently, I've had a bunch of things come into my life from other people. Mostly these things have come from my mom, but some have also come from a temporary houseguest who was moving away.

When I got all this stuff I'll asmit that I was a bit frustrated, if not a teensy bit annoyed. I've been trying really hard to get rid of clutter and unnecessary stuff, and all of a sudden I had almost half of the stuff I'd gotten rid of on my last big Goodwill run. Now, admittedly there's a lot of stuff in there that I can't or won't use, ranging from old magazines to gravy mix to chemical cleaners. But, once I relaxed a bit, I took a look and found a few things that I'm actually grateful to have now, and that I think can be put to good use.

- a water jug - more cold water stored, plus an increased chance that I'll drink more water

- a wire shopping basket - excellent for the back of my bike, and means that I can take the basket in and pick up just what I can carry

- a tea set - I find drinking tea rather calming and, while this isn't technically necessary, having a tea set is a nice luxury, especially when sharing with other people

- loads of plant pots - not all will be useful, I don't think, but there are some nice big ones that I hope to use for a bigger and better container garden on the patio this summer

- cutting boards - I broke mine recently, and multiples are nice to have for chopping

- board games - mom gave me whatever they had left, and while I orginally wasn't all that excited for them to come and live with me, it now strikes me that some more free, low-energy entertainment is a good thing to have around

- decorative towels - I dislike decorative towels and have enough towels for regular use, but I had a few sewing projects in mind that I needed terrycloth for, and now I have the materials to complete them, which is rather nice

- reusable bags - I might just have enough of these already, but I could gift them to friends or otherwise make use of them

- basic foods - I need to look over things to see whether they're still useful, but spices, flour, sugar, tea, and other bits and pieces have now come my way, and if I can put them to use, I will

I guess it's all in how you look at things. I was ready to pitch everything in one fell swoop just to get it out of here, but giving it a few days to think about and ponder was really useful. Some of it may make its way out the door yet, depending on whether I can fit it in or not, but I appreciate having (and not having to buy) a few more things that will be useful for me and for the life that I'm gradually setting up for myself here. Now, if only someone would send a nice grain mill my way...

Independence Days update

There are two new categories to Independence Days, so I'm going to add them here as an addendum to my last update.

Reduce waste: stopped putting my eggshells out with the garbage in favour of saving them to put in my potting soil; knitting and sewing mesh produce bags for the grocery store; made my first cloth pad, with more to come.

Regenerated: still trying to work out getting a composter inside, but falling short on the worms - hopfully this week; donated to the food bank; made another donation to the local Goodwill; spent a little money also at the Goodwill.

More to do on these (and the other) categories, but it feels good to have something to put down.

Fear is okay

With the current economic news, and the Canadian political system in limbo, and the general raft of terrible things happening the world over, I know a lot of people who are getting, if not scared, then at least more nervous about what's going on and, worse yet, what could happen.

But fear (and nervousness, I suppose) aren't necessarily bad things, especially if they lead people to action. But that's the issue with fear - it tends to be paralysing, and prevents rather than drives action.

I can't presume to know what people need or want to do. Heck, I'm just figuring most of this out for myself. When I'm not feeling like I'm fumbling my way along, I tend to feel like I'm navel gaving as I focus on my own life more than I have in awhile. But I know that other people are starting to feel like this and are getting overwhelmed and scared by everything that they feel needs to be done.

The issue with being overwhelmed is that it makes things difficult to start. We try to figure out where to start, what to do and, even more debilitating, how to do it all right now. But none of these things tends to work all that well, and certainly not the last one. So, what do we do to get past this when things are falling apart right now?

Just start.

There's certainly something to be said for planning. I have a binder that I use for planning - thoughts, lists, ideas, and whatever else I think of. But rather than spending time planning and figuring and prioritising, just start something. Even if it's small. Even if you think it won't make a big difference. Just start. Starting breaks the cycle of not doing anything. Starting is empowering. Starting allows you to feel as though you're moving forward, and that's a huge thing when everything seems uncertain. Buy some extra food on your next shopping trip - rice and beans are excellent, as are a lot of canned foods. If you're out and about, pick up a few extra basics - mending supplies, rechargeable batteries, a flashlight, blankets, anything that might be useful. Check out your local thrift store. Head to the library and do some research on raising chickens, learning to knit, or how to preserve food. Go to a local peak oil or post carbon meeting, or make a visit to your local CSA farm or food co-op and meet like-minded people.

If even this is too much for you, start a list. Or, start a few lists. While I think it's better to just do something, planning things out is still a step in the right direction. What do you want for your life? What do you already have going for you? What do you need to feel more secure? How can you get those things?

This seems to be a time when it's easy to be fearful. Fear is scary, but it can also be useful if its used as a motivator. So rather than just sitting there, start something. What's the worst that could happen?

Words from the wise

“I listen with attention to the judgement of all men; but so far as I can remember, I have followed none but my own.”

- Michel de Montaigne

A story of my stuff

I often feel like I have too much stuff. I think I've written about this before, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that's in my apartment. Certainly it's been commented on - often by me, very frequently by my parents, and even sometimes by my boyfriend and friends (most of whom are grad students and so move around a lot and try not to keep too many things.)

I've always had a fair amount of stuff. I have a lot of interests, and stuff seems to come along with that. But lately I've been finding that I'm acquiring more stuff not for interests or hobbies, but because it allows me to feel safe. Some of this is very practical - a grinder means I can make bread, and extra food means I can eat. Some of this might be less so - extra jeans means I'm less likely to run out, but I still suspect that I have too many pairs to truly be necessary.

As much as possible, I've been trying to pick up things that I need. This is a pretty significant change in my shopping habits and, to a degree, to my spending. I'm spending more, and more often than I have in awhile now (although, admittedly, most of this spending is still fairly minimal, since it's mostly been at the thrift store.) Over the past few months I've bought cast iron pots and pans, books, wool, blankets, sweaters, extra knitting needles, a mattress, canning supplies, a grinder, a washboard, sewing supplies, a flashlight, a hand-crank radio, and food. Still on my list are rechargeable batteries (preferably with a solar charger), a hand-crank blender, a grain mill, and a whole slew of other things.

The thing I'm having trouble with is this. I just keep buying stuff. And, really, it does help me feel more secure, and certainly more secure than the things I was buying before I was Peak Oil aware. Even with my apartment more full than it was before, I don't feel as overwhelmed in terms of space. But I don't like buying things, and I don't like buying things for feelings of security. While I wasn't completely blasé about the things I had before, I wasn't all that attached to them, and it wasn't a huge deal if something broke. But now, I feel like these things are important to me, and that increases theirvalue - they keep me warm, fed, and healthy, and for that I value them quite highly. Which also makes the threat of their loss more dire and more overwhelming in a totally different way than volume did.

So, I'm trying to think more about skills and relationships that I can develop. Skills and relationships that will both protect me and allow me to be useful to people without just relying on my stuff. It's difficult - sometimes I feel like I just want to hole up in here with the locks on the doors and the hatches battened down. But that's not the best approach, and I need to move beyond it. This is one of my biggest challenges - to forge community and find ways to get beyong this stuff.

Friday preparedness

Henceforth to be known as Independence Days Update.

Rather than inventing (and forgetting) my own categories this week, I'm going to rely on the rubric for the Independence Days challenge as I do my weekly review. Unfortunately, the first few categories will be somewhat lacking since it's high winter here, but I still think it's a useful way of thinking about what I'm doing.

1. Planted something: not so much here - there's snow, and the ground is frozen; but, I have started some sprouts for salads and, although it's expensive and does require power, I'm looking into one of those little aero garden things for my counter, so I can grow inside through the winter; I'm also looking into low-light things that can be grown inside, but not finding much.

2. Harvested something: harvested the dried leaves from my dead basil plant (not enough sun in here for it to survive the winter, which is a shame); gathered squash and apple seeds from some grocery-store produce - I don't know if these will germinate (it's questionable, at best), but they were there and I thought it might be worth a shot.

3. Preserved something: dried celery, spinach, and kale in the dehydrator.

4. Stored something: extra oats and brown sugar; bottle of iron pills; 250 multi-vitamins; bottle of hydrogen peroxide; bottled 12 litres of water in recycled bottles; bought a second-hand washboard and manual grinder.

5. Prepped something: Reorganized the kitchen to accomodate extra food; worked on knit fingerless gloves; decluttered to make more room for the necessities; replaced remaining regular lights with CFLs; prepped egg cartons for sprouting plants in the spring.

6. Cooked something new: barbequed potatoes and carrots (from the More with Less Cookbook - yum!); looking into more recipes to try - I mostly have favourites that I turn to again and again.

7. Worked on community food systems: not so much here either, other than talking to a friend about food issues; still hoping to join the local food co-op after break, though.

8. Managed my reserves - started a record of what's on hand, since I keep losing track as more food stores come in; currently sorting through food brought over by my temporary houseguest, to see what's still good to keep and what's not.

9. Learned a new skill - haven't actually started yet (mostly because there were cats on my counters for much of the last week), but I've been reading "Putting Food By" in preparation for preserving; learning how to effectively use a washboard for laundry; experimenting with grinding grain to add to bread; got a new rank in aikido - still not so good for self-defense, but better.

Karmic thrifting?

For the last few days I've had a friend and her menagerie of pets (four) living with me in my apartment. It was an interesting exercise in seeing how living with someone (and maybe a few someone) could be if people had to move in with me. It wasn't always easy, but I think I learned a few things about what I need to survive with more people than just me and my sweetie around.

Since she was moving across the country, she brough over some things that just wound up staying here, rather than moving with her. Some of it is useful to me - I'll be keeping a water jug, a shopping basket for the back of my bike, and a few other bits and pieces. Other stuff will be on it's way out, especially the cleaners that made their way over here, since I don't use chemical cleaners. Still other things will probably be on their way to Goodwill, since I just don't have room for it all.

So, in an effort to tidy up a bit, this morning I wandered over to the Goodwill so I could drop off some of the left-behind stuff. I managed to find some more dishes for mom's Christmas present. But, even better, I found two things that have been on my list for awhile now.

It's no substitute for a good grain mill, but I got a small manual grinder. It grinds very (very!) coarsly, but I'm going to experiment with it and see what it can do. I also got a small washboard. It was decorated to be hung on a wall, but I stripped off the flowers, will wash it up and maybe wax it, since it will be in water. And, I now have myself a very low energy way of doing the laundry. Someday I'd like a larger one, but for a whole $2.29, this is a good start, I think.

I like to think that, after doing a somewhat big favour for a friend, the thrift gods smiled down on me. These were two of the things that I really wanted to add to my Peak Oil preparations, and I really appreciate having them.

Friday preparedness

Rather than focusing just on food on Fridays, as per Sharon's food storage quickiesI think I'm going to look at everything that I've done during the week to increase my preparedness for whatever's coming.

Food:
- dehydrated mushrooms
- bought corn meal, brown rice, peanut butter, large cabbage, 10 lbs carrots, 15 lbs potatos, 10 lbs yellow onions, ramen, oats
- bought canning supplies - canning jars, extra lids, magnetic wand, jar lifter

Home:
- bought cast iron pan (thrift store)
- bought air mattress (WalMart)
- bought flashlight (Circuit City)
- bought hand-crank radio (Circuit City)

Clothing:
- bought two thick, warm wool sweaters (thrift store)
- worked on wool fingerless gloves

Books:
- bought "The Book of Whole Grains" and "Putting Food By"
- borrowed "The Encyclopedia of Country Living", "Practical Skills", "The Complete Book of Small Batch Preserving", and "Local Flavours"

Community:
- talked with some friends about post-carbon activism
- researching local food security groups and the local food co-op

Confessions

I have to make a confession. Maybe even a few confessions.

I haven't bought anything on Buy Nothing Day for a decade now. Now, I live in Canada, where we don't have Black Friday per se, so it's perhaps not a big deal as it is in the US. But, on principle, I've gone along with it because I do have issues with consumption. These issues range from the extremely personal to the more widely social, but I've always taken some pride in my lower-consumption life, both in general and on Buy Nothing Day.

But I bought stuff today. And not only that, but I bought something from WalMart today.

(The horror...the horror.)

The things that I bought were all on my list of preparations that I want to make just in case. But I still don't feel so good about them, and I don't know if it's shopping in general that's getting to me, or shopping new instead of used, or shopping specifically on BND.

All told I spent about $75 today. I bought an air mattress, because I have a friend coming to stay with me for a few weeks, and need a place for her to sleep. I've also wanted one for awhile now, just in case people need to come stay with me if things go south. It's not an ideal solution, but I have room for this, and it's easily portable. I also bought a hand-crank radio and a flashlight to keep around for emergencies (happily, both on clearance and fairly cheap). And, finally, in an effort to start in on one of my competence projects, I picked up canning jars, a magnetic wand, extra lids, and a jar lifter so I can start learning how to preserve food.

I don't think there's much here that I should feel that badly about. I bought what I needed, and only things that I'd been planning to buy for awhile now (admittedly, I wasn't planning to get he radio today, but it was on my list, and newly on sale). But overall this is something that I feel fairly pleased about.

Happily, I do this very infrequently. My so-called shopping sprees are always of things that I need and usually happen annually, and that I can live with. Ideally, I'd like it to stop altogether. I'd prefer to have smaller local stores where I can get what I need from people that I know at least a bit. I'd rather buy from people I know, and businesses that I can feel comfortable with.

I wonder now if maybe it's not that I feel guilty, but that I find the whole shopping experience to be wretched. In general, I still find myself hating shopping, and especially hating shopping for things that are new and buried in the back of a huge overstocked store with underpaid employees. Part of my hatred comes from walking into a store and seeing so much stuff - on the shelves, being bought - and regretting the huge focus on consumption in our society. Part of it is hating being around crowds of people, and and another part is the helplessness of not being able to find what I want. And, part of it is probably a result of the horrible news of a WalMart employee killed this morning by stampeding customers. I understand that people are feeling the crunch this year, but this form of consumption - extreme, driven, and more concerned with stuff than with people - horifies me, and leaves me wanting even less involvement in the system han I had before, minimal as it was. I didn't hear this story until after I got home today, but it reaffirms my desire to find even more ways to buy locally and from smaller companies, and to not buy into any of the highly problematic elements of consumption.

Ecological footprint

I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep last night, and so I sat up for a bit with some ecological footprint calculators. I knew going into it that the numbers wouldn't be pretty. In the past six months I've flown to England (for a wonderful summer program and, while I regret the ecological implications, I don't regret the program at all), as well as to British Columbia (ostensibly for a family wedding, but more to see my Nanna, who's been rather ill for the last year - better to fly out for a party than a funeral, I think.) But, they were even less pretty than I hoped, and for the first time I sat down and actively tried to figure out why that is.

Part of the issue is that I live alone. No matter how much I reduce my consumption, use less energy and less water, and change all of the small details about how I live, living alone hurts my footprint, even in a medium-sized apartment. Another part is that I use the bus a lot, not just to get to school, but to go see my boyfriend, who lives over 500 km away. I've pretty much eliminated flying there, which is a good thing, but the travel is still not such a good thing, although I'm hoping that can be remedied soon. The trouble is, at this point in time, these are things that are difficult for me to change, much as I would like to. I'm working on it, but it is slow.

The other thing (although not the biggest by quite a stretch), and the one that's probably easiest for me is food. I'm vegetarian, but I am rather fond of cheese and eggs, which ups my numbers. I also don't live all that close to a farmer's market, and most of my food comes from the supermarket, which isn't always known for its local food options. But, out of all the things to change, this is the one that I can start immediately and most easily, so I took food on as my afternoon project.

Since I was heading out anyway, I first decided to go to the Goodwill bookstore up the street. Happily, I came away with a copy of "Putting Food By". It's an older one, so I'm going to double check the canning standards, but I'm excited about having instructions and recipes for preserving foods now.

I then wandered over to the grocery store. At best, foods are labelled with their province or country of origin, so I decided to stick to those grown in Ontario. It's not a perfect solution, but better than nothing for now. I wound up with a large cabbage, 10 pounds each of potatoes, yellow onions, and carrots, and a bag of empire apples. Other options were squash, rutabega, and turnips, although I left those alone for now. I found it harder to go with local foods when I was working on my food stores. I picked up peanut butter, a large bag of cornmeal, and brown rice, none of which are local. They'll be added to my food stores for future use.

I don't know if this was entirely a success. Some staples - like pasta and peanut butter - seem to be a lot harder to find locally grown. I haven't started looking for eggs or cheese yet, since I have rather a lot of that in the fridge from a past grocery shopping trip. I'm sure it's not impossible, and I'm going to look harder, but I was hoping for better. Fresh stuff, however, seemed to be relatively easy, so long as I was willing to walk past the citrus and less hardy greens at the front of the store. I'm going to keep looking, but in the meantime, I'm going to settle in and make myself a barbeque potato and carrot casserole where at least half the ingredients are local.

Overwhelmed

I'm nearly done my grading, which means that I actually have time! To myself! This afternoon!

Theoretically, I should be working on my dissertation-thing, but I have a long list of Peak Oil prep kind of things to do, and I suspect that I should spend some time on that.

The trouble is, the list is, as I said, long. And as a result, I find it incredibly overwhelming to decide what to do first. Do I stay in, order a grain mill, dehydrate some of the produce in my fridge, and then read up on how to raise chickens? Or, do I head out to the thrift store with an eye to picking up some blankets, and maybe some more yarn or a cast iron pan? Or, do I head out to the local hardware store and see about getting an air mattress, the components for my worm composter, and a maglight to serve as both flashlight and weapon? Stopping on the way, of course, for a hand crank radio? Or, do I just make an extended grocery store trip with my bundle buggy and haul home extra rations of rice, potatos, and long-keeping root veggies?

I dunno - I could do any of them, and will do them all eventually. I'm just feeling rather overwhelmed now by all that I feel that I have to do. And, the fact that this is grading time, and end of the semester time, and holiday time really isn't helping matters any. I'll get over it - probably in fairly short order - but this isn't always an easy thing to do, and I think it's worth writing out the hard and the troubling and the problematic things as much as the good ones.

Words from the wise

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.

- William Morris

The decluttering saga

In addition to my apartment, I'm also trying to declutter other areas of my life. Tonight, since I'm feeling tired and kind of short on energy, I settled down in bed with my laptop and decluttered my blog list. I tend to add new blogs that catch my interest whenever I run across them, but this means that the lists grow fast and, in some cases, while a post may have attracted me, the blog as a whole isn't really my thing,

So, I went through and deleted over half of them. It's not a huge thing, but it saves me time reading them, sorting through them, and just clicking on even the ones I'm not that interested in so they won't be on the unread list anymore. And, it feels good - one more little step, and one more little thing that's a bit more in control.

New blankets

Whenever I'm over at the library these days (which, admittedly, is quite a lot since I keep ordering books that I hope will help me expand my skills and knowledge a bit more), I stop by the local thrift store. Really, I don't much like it. I think many of its things are overpriced, and it kind of depresses me in general. But, thrift stores are one of the few places to get the dishes that my mom collects and that are the only thing we're allowed to get her as gifts, so I check every time I'm around.

I found four of her plates this time, which was lovely and will be great for Christmas, but even lovelier was what I found in the bedding section. I've been looking for a nice wool blanket for awhile now. My dream one is Hudson's Bay four point blanket (the white with the coloured stripes), but that's pretty much a pipe dream, since they tend to be very expensive be they new or old. In general, I really just want them to keep me warm in the winter, and because they wear so well, but I'd been coming up empty.

And today, I found two wool blankets. First, a lovely throw sized blanket in wool from originally from Ikea, which will be much used as I work and read on the couch. In addition, I found a full sized trapper-ish blanket in dusty pink to go on the bed. The cost? $14 for the two of them, and no Riot 4 Austerity points, since they came from the thrift store. I don't shop much anymore, and although it's hugely embarassing for me to be so excited by consumption, I'm really very pleased with these - I've spent the evening in bed wrapped in the pink one already, and it's kept me very warm indeed. I don't have pictures right now, but hopefully soon.

True, these are more things that I'm bringing into my apartment, but I think they're worth it. They're warm, and useful, and something I've been looking for for awhile now. And despite my efforts in non-consumption, this is consumption that I can certainly live with.

The Competence Project

Over at Casaubon's Book, Sharon's set up the Competence Project, getting people to start new projects that will increase their competence in a variety of areas from sewing and knitting to plumbing and woodworking.

I love the idea, and have been thinking about where to start, especially given the rather long list of projects I'd like to work on and have been pondering for what seems like ages. There are some things I’d like to do that aren’t really practical right now, now that there are many inches of snow on the ground, so that narrows it down a bit, though. Also, I’ve searched for classes that are local to me without much to show for it, especially in things I’m interested in. So, I’ll be starting with things that I can learn/do fairly easily on my own.

First, I’d like to learn to sew a better, which will hopefully come in handy for three sub-projects. One, I was to sew reusable shopping bags for the upcoming holidays to wrap gifts in, and as gifts in and of themselves. Two, I want to finally make some resuable cloth pads, especially since I have most if not all of the materials. And third, I want to make a quilt out of old wool clothes, despite never having made a quilt before.

Second, I have a source for worms, and would like to finally get that worm composter I keep thinking about set up and running. I've sent out an email to a local source for worms, and hopefully that will come through. In the meantime, I'm going to start setting up the composter itself, and hope to pick up the materials for that this week.

Third, I’d like to learn to can food. Being that it’s snowy, I don’t really know what I could can that’s “fresh”, but I’m hoping to somehow find someone local to show me how to do this without killing myself. I may search someone out through the local community services agency, or possibly through one of the many freebie online sites where one can advertise such things. But for this I really want someone who knows what they're doing to show me the ropes.

Unfortunately, many of the other things I’d like to learn I can’t actually do in my apartment - fussing with the plumbing, wiring, or anything else home maintenance-ish is frowned upon in a rented apartment. I suppose that I could read up on what I’m interested in and then offer up my help in return for people teaching me things here and there. But, for now I think this is probably a good start. And, once I get these going, there are always more to work on as well.

Words from the wise

"Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Daharja at Cluttercut has asked about changes that people have been making for the better in their lives, especially in terms of saving money and doing things ourselves.

I've always been pretty frugal (some would say cheap), so I have a lot of habits that I don't even really think about more that probably date back to my days in undergrad, if not earlier. While I've always lived within my means, those means have never been huge (especially now with grad school funding), and so I've tried to find ways to not only live within my means, but to live well within my means.

One thing I started doing early on was shopping at thrift stores. Now, admittedly, when I started I was pretty excited by the prices, and did wind up buying some things that I probably didn't need, but overall I did save a fair amount of money. I still always check out thrift stores when I need something, and have bought everything from clothes and shoes to book and dishes there, all at very low prices. Money stays in my pocket, I get to support a charity, and things stay out of landfills.

I also started figuring out what I could do without, or do with less of. A lot of vanity products got scrapped on this one - hair goo of various types, nailpolish and remover, fancy moisturizer. Dinners out got scrapped to - I now only eat dinner out when out of town friends are in town, and even then I've cut it down more by offering to cook at my place. I started getting basic haircuts that grow out well - I can now get my haircut close to home by a lovely woman who charges me $15, much less than half of a salon haircut (which always felt like a huge rip-off, given the simplicity of my hair.)

I don't have a car. Now, admittedly, this one is sometimes a pain, especially when hauling groceries. But I don't need one - I have a bus pass, a bike, and good walking shoes, which seem to do me just fine. For grocery trips I also have a bundle buggy (one of those little wheeled wire carts) that I found outside the trash at my apartment building.

I eat low on the food chain. When I'm away from home or out for dinner I'll eat some fish. But, other than that, I eat primarily vegan at home. My version of vegan is high in whole grains and fruits and veggies. I eat little dairy, which is pretty expensive, and not much in the way of processed foods either, which are also expensive. While not quite the cheapest of all meals, I am concerned about health, and am willing to pay a bit more for good, wholesome food. But, overall, it's pretty cheap. Where possible, I buy local or organic, and grains and beans I buy dry, so as to not have to pay for shipping the water that usually comes along with them.

Finally, I look for activities that are cheap or, better yet, free to keep me busy (although it's not like I have all that much free time.) I've started playing my guitar again, I knit (not exactly free, but very practical), I attend free concerts, movies, and lectures at the library, I go for walks, and I hang out with friends. It's low key, but it suits me, and it means a minimum of travel and expense. And, in some cases, I'm even building up some useful skills.

Of course, there are things that I'm willing to spend money on, especially if I can't find them second hand - good tools, truly useful books, quality materials, organic food, and things that will last me a long time. But overall these purchases are pretty rare, and I think my other efforts more than make up for them.

So, I ask the question to you now? What changes are you making?

The decluttering saga

In all the talk about peak oil and sustainable living, there's a lot of talk of things that we should have on hand. I'm totally on board with this perspective, and am working on my own list of things that should probably be making their way into my life. But one of the things that has me worried here is where I'm going to put it all. While I think it's hugely important to think about the things that we're likely to need, I think it's equally important to think about where we're going to put it all.

So, one of the things I've been working on recently is decluttering my apartment. While a concern for storing more things is in there, there are a really a few reasons for this. First, I've just been feeling like I have too much stuff - it's been getting a bit claustrphobic around here. At the same time, I also have it in my head that someday I'd like to own my own tiny house, and the amount of stuff that I have will just never, ever fit. Finally, I've also been feeling like I don't have enough room for things that are most important, both in terms of activities and things. It's hard sometimes, especially when everything is both cluttered and untidy, to find room for yoga, or to get my guitar out, or even to have friends over if I haven't cleaned.
In addition, with all of this stuff around, I don't have as much room for the things that are becoming more important, like extra food, cast iron pots, or the grain mill that I want to buy.

So, I've decided that, in terms of my stuff, I want to clean out a bunch of things, and then want to replace some (just some!) of the somewhat frivilous with that which is truly necessary. I've already pulled together one large pile of things - large enough to fill the back of my folk's small SUV this weekend, with seats folded down, when dad was visiting - that has already made its way to the local Goodwill donation centre. In this load, I gave away clothes that just won't ever be worn by me (which came from the thrift store in the first place, so I don't feel so very bad about sending them back), impractical books, dishes that are also too impractical to use (tiny juice classes and baby sugar spoons come to mind), and a whole lot of other things that are just taking up space that could be better used by me and possibly a few things to make my life a bit more sustainable.

Admittedly, with the pile gone things already feel a lot better. A three by five foot pile of boxes and garbage bags in the middle of the floor takes up a lot of space, which didn't really add to my feelings about the state of my living space. But theres a bit more room now, and a few less things out now that there's space to put them away. I managed to clear enough room in my closets that I no longer need a freestanding unit to house all of my sheets, and enough books made their way out the door that the remaining ones all fit on my shelves properly.

I know that I still have a lot left to do - there are more books that should be out the door, as well as kitchen things (exploding pyrex, anyone?), odd and unworn clothing, and goodness knows what lurking in the corners of my apartment. But this feels like a good start. I'm looking forward to spending more time in my home, and in hopefully having people over for pot lucks, hearty dinners, and low-energy activities like board games and cards. And once I have more space, I'm looking forward to figuring out a few carefully researched and well made goods to bring into my home to help me live the life that I want to lead. I have a few ideas here, but I'm thinking that that wish list should be an upcoming post.

Budgeting the budget

Despite the fact that "budget" frequently seems to be a dirtly word, redolant of self-denial, I have a budget that I try to stick to. I'm generally pretty good about it too - I know how much my rent, utilities, and other expenses should be. But sometimes, I don't stick to the budget and, this morning, I'm thinking about why that is, and why that's not necessarily such a bad thing.

First, let me say that I have savings and I live beneath my means (although, admittedly, my means are grad school funding and therefore not very much). Going over budget here or there isn't going to break me, and isn't even going to require dipping into savings. Sure, it means I put a little less away in a month, but I'm not convinced this is always a bad thing.

This morning I woke up really nauseous. I've started taking iron pills at my doctor's request, as well as a large quantity of B12. Iron and B12 are not easy on the stomach, even when take with meals, and feeling icky is a common side effect. I didn't want to take an anti-nausea drug, so I tottered over to the grocery store to pick up ginger and a few things that weren't available at the other store where I went shopping the other day. I got what I needed - skim milk powder, oats, brown sugar, ginger, and orange juice (not a usual purchase, but helps the iron to absorb better - but then I picked up some extra things as well. After many weeks without, they had tahini in stock again, so I picked up a tub of that. They also had cheese on sale for almost half price, so I bought some of that to freeze. I also found one lone bag of red cargo rice, which I've never seen before - because it has way more iron than most other rice, and I like trying new things, that came home with me as well. I finished up with some extra eggs, tortilla wraps, a box of sale clementines, pasta, and super-cheap canned soup.

All told, what should have been a $20 shopping trip came out over $50. My usual food budget is $100 per month, and right now, including my one-day early shopping trip, I'm at $75 this early in the month. Now, none of these things are items that I wouldn't buy anyway. For the most part, they're fairly healthy, and will even last me awhile - there's nothing in that list that will get consumed completely this week, and most of it will last for awhile - the skim milk alone lasts for a good six months at the rate that I use it.

It still unsettles me to go over budget, though. So I was thinking about it this morning as I was walking home (which also helped me to not think about how sore my poor arms were.)

First, I don't mind going over budget a bit in the name of stocking up. Not everything I bought is going to be stockpiled, but the rice will be, as will the tahini, oats, and some of the canned items. My pantry is getting close to maximum capacity, but I feel better having this food around. As an added bonus, when I'm too busy to shop, there's something to eat and I don't have to rely on take-out.

Second, I don't mind paying a bit more a month to stock up on things while they're on sale. I was delighted to find the cheese on sale today, especially since my boyfriend is coming to visit and we like to make pizza. What we don't use (which will still be a lot) will be frozen and, at the rate I use it, will last quite some time. Rather than having to buy cheese at full price when I really want it, having it on hand can save me a bit of money.

Third, I don't generally mind going over budget (so long as I can relatively comfortably afford it) on things that add to my health. I certainly didn't mind spending money on iron and B12 supplements the other day, and I also don't mind buying food that's going to help me stay healthy. I don't normally buy orange juice (when did it get so expensive?!), but if it helps me absorb iron better, then I'm willing to spring for it. I picked up the red rice specifically because of its iron content - it's not as cheap as plain white rice, but for a lot more iron, I can justify the bit of extra cost.

Finally, it's likely that I can compensate for these extra expenses over the course of the month. If I know how much I've spent already, I can avoid grocery trips a bit more, or try to spread them out a bit further. I can eat a bit less while eating more nutrient rich foods, or eat from my stores just a little bit more to balance it. But, for now, I think the most important thing is to maintain my health and build up some stores of food, so this isn't really coming into play as much right now as it used to.

If I didn't have the money, this wouldn't be an option. If I had to do this on credit...well, I probably wouldn't. And I know for people who can't afford it that this just isn't possible, good justifications or not. But, with that said, while I love having a budget to follow, there are also instances where sticking to a budget may be too limiting. I'm pleased with what I got today, and although I like sticking to a budget, I'm rather glad that I didn't in this case. I certainly don't recommend going over all the time, but in some cases it might not be a bad idea to budget just how much I rely on the budget.

Looking back

I have a huge list of things that I want to work on in my life. Some of them are for me, some are for the environment, some are for peak oil prep, and a lot of them are really just a combination. But, like I said, the list is long. Really long. Sometimes overwhelmingly long.

I plan to write out this list on the blog at some point. Writing things out seems to make me feel more accountable and, in some cases, inspired. But sometimes I find it more useful to look at what I'm already doing, or have already done, as a reminder of good things that I'm already doing.

1. I live below my means. I know how much I make every month, and how much I should be spending on expenses, so I can stay within these limits. Sure, there are months when I spend a bit more on groceries, or the phone bill goes up a bit from usual, but this tends to even out with months where I spend less. And, knowing what these limits are makes it easier to stay within them, and also makes it a bit of a fun challenge to stay below them.

2. I have savings. I'd like them to be more, but I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to get through undergrad and five years of grad school with savings in the bank. I put aside a little almost every month, and it's good to know not only that it's there, but that I was capable of making that happen.

3. I have no debts. I'm also proud of the fact that I've managed to get through undergrad and five years of grad school without needed to turn to loans. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm hopefully that I can complete this degree debt-free (and, with any luck, maintain my savings in the process.)

4. I've eliminated (or never had in the first place) a lot of things that just aren't necessary for me - this helps rather a lot with number one. I don't have cable, or a cell phone. I have an answering machine that sits on my table rather than paying the monthly fee for voicemail. I have a bus pass from the university, so I don't have a car, which means no car payments, gas payents, maintenance, or insurance. I try not to keep up with Joneses, as it were, so I don't feel compelled to have the latest gadgets, clothes, or whatever else.

5. I've gotten pretty good at secondhand shopping. I still have a few things that I need that I haven't been able to find yet, but this allows me to save money, recycle, and sometimes help charities all at the same time.

6. I have skills that I can put to use. I can knit, crochet, sew, cook, and bake. I can also play saxoophone and some guitar. I know a bit about basic bicycle repair. I'm a good teacher. There's more to learn, but this feels like a pretty good start all the same.

7. I have food and other supplies, just in case. I have a fair amount of grains and beans, as well as dried veggies and other supplies. I have extra blankets, warm clothing, and good shoes. It takes up room, but it makes me feel a bit more secure in the face of all the uncertaintly that's going on in the world right now.

8. I'm working really hard to declutter my apartment - less time cleaning, more room to move are what I'm hoping for (although that might have to wait until I can find a way to get the huge pile of donations out of the middle of my living room.)

Those are the biggies for now, although I'm sure there are more. And, as always, I'm going to keep going with this, and work out what else I need to do to simplify my life and make it that much more enjoyable.

Christmas planning

I haven't been buying anything other than food and basic necessities recently. In the name of downshifting, I've been working really hard to get rid of stuff and declutter my apartment rather than bringing yet more into the fray.

I did buy something today though. It's a sewing pattern - Simplicity 2860, a pattern for a variety of fabric shopping bags. I probably could have figured these out myself, given enough time, and probably some wasted materials, but these are exactly what I've been wanting to make, and the pattern was on special for a whole $2.49. Happily, given the amount of fabric that I have kicking around here, I didn't even have to buy materials while I was out.

I'd like to make some for me, but I was also thinking that, if I can get my act together, they might make for some good Christmas gifts for friends, either on their own or with some environmental-type things in them.

My family and friends don't really do a big Christmas. We have family time, and exchange gifts with a few people, but there really isn't much in the way of mass celebration, or mass consumerism (although, yes, we do buy some things.) And I like it that way. But I think some homemade gifts might fit in well here. Also, it might be a nice gesture to give out a few more gifts this year, especially if it means that a few people use a few less bags. We may need drastic change, but I'm still willing to entertain the idea that every little bit counts.

Before the Deluge

Some of them were dreamers
And some of them were fools
Who were making plans and thinking of the future
With the energy of the innocent
They were gathering the tools
They would need to make their journey back to nature
While the sand slipped through the opening
And their hands reached for the golden ring
With their hearts they turned to each others heart for refuge
In the troubled years that came before the deluge

Some of them knew pleasure
And some of them knew pain
And for some of them it was only the moment that mattered
And on the brave and crazy wings of youth
They went flying around in the rain
And their feathers, once so fine, grew torn and tattered
And in the end they traded their tired wings
For the resignation that living brings
And exchanged loves bright and fragile glow
For the glitter and the rouge
And in the moment they were swept before the deluge

Now let the music keep our spirits high
And let the buildings keep our children dry
Let creation reveal its secrets by and by
By and by--
When the light thats lost within us reaches the sky

Some of them were angry
At the way the earth was abused
By the men who learned how to forge her beauty into power
And they struggled to protect her from them
Only to be confused
By the magnitude of her fury in the final hour
And when the sand was gone and the time arrived
In the naked dawn only a few survived
And in attempts to understand a thing so simple and so huge
Believed that they were meant to live after the deluge

Now let the music keep our spirits high
And let the buildings keep our children dry
Let creation reveal its secrets by and by
By and by--
When the light thats lost within us reaches the sky

- Jackson Brown

What the heck is this all about?

Part Two

So, back to Van Morrison again.

By the way, if you don't know "Dweller on the Threshold," there's a good performance of it here.

So, the other reason the song spoke to me was because it seemed to articulate, in a rather roundabout way, some of my concerns about a wide variety of current issues. As I said in my first post, I'm trying to think about how these issues and changes are going to work within my academic life. But I think the idea of the dweller on the threshold also speaks to peak oil, climate change, food security, and a whole host of other issues in a more general way, and one that's probably relatable to a bunch of people beyond me.

Now, clearly the song doesn't deal specifically with these issues. It's a song, after all, and a bit of an older one, and I'm sure Van likes to sell his records and not depress his fans too much. I am, however, about to go vaguely literature interpretation on you with some of the lyrics, thanks to that BA in English, but I'll try not to get to heavy,

In any case, the song deals with a lot of similar themes - waiting in darkness, moving from darkness into light, having to move through doors, the loss of illusion, and seeing without perceiving. These are all issues I think we're having to face now. Our world is changing rapidly, and we're having to come to a lot of really difficult conclusions about the impact that we're having on a whole host of things we depend on - weather, the environment, oil, water, food, travel, and how we fundamentally live our lives. We're losing the illusions that we've held onto for years and being, in at least some cases, forced through the door and into the light.

In some ways, I feel like we're talking about Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" on a grand scale (good grief, I hope this works, since it just came to me now). For those unfamiliar with this work, it's essentially a tale of a number of people chained in a cave, facing the back wall, and lit from behind. All they know of the world is the shadows that are projected on the wall that they face, sinc ethat's all that they can see. But eventually, one of these people is dragged away from the cave, so he can see the actual world, and not just the shadows. And it hurts. The sunlight hurts his eyes (and, if we're talking post-ozone, might even burn his skin). He has a difficult time equating the shadows of the cave with what he can now see of the real world. Everything is new and strange and damn scary.

Again, we've got a dark to light transition, a movement from one way of being to another. And we also have a sense of the pain that maybe, just maybe, comes up in "Dweller" in the ideas of crossing the burning ground, and then of drowning. Now, we too are being hauled out of the cave, en masse. I certainly feel like I've been dragged out, especially with regard to issues around peak oil and food security. For some, I'm sure it's a more difficult transition than others.

But, there can be a happy ending. In Plato's allegory, the person who is dragged away from the cave adjust, and even returns to the cave to try to convince ther others how wonderful non-cave life is. They, of course, do not believe him, since they need to experience it themselves and work through their own fears and deal with the changes themselves. But it is possible to grow used to it.

I think there are a lot of reasons that we've lived so long in what only now seems to be the darkness. It's been comfortable and, until now, has been relatively easy to go along with. In addition, it's been even easier because the powers that be - those who have a vested interest in keeping us working, buying, and living in particular ways that tend to support capitalism - have led us to believe that this is the best way. That's not to say that we're dupes. I think that far too often the tendency is to assume that people are dupes of the system. But, we're talking about a system that's been around for awhile, and one that's so normalized and expected that it's just plain difficult to get away from enough that it can be questioned and confronted on any large scale. But, we're being pulled far enough away now that we can begin to see these things - sadly, it seems to be much easier to question the system when it's difficult to afford fuel, or food, or housing. As a result, we're being forced into a position where not only our ways of life our changing, but our assumptions and illusions about them are as well. And so, we're all, in a sense, dwellers on a threshold, whether we know it or not yet, and we need to figure out how this transition is going to work for us.

This turned out a bit more general than I wanted it too. Maybe I'm wrong, and I'm the only one who feels like Van's dweller on the threshold, or the guy hauled out of Plato's cave into the glimmering and shiny world. But I suspect a lot of us feel like this. That a lot of us are making this transition and trying to manage the pain and shock and confusion of moving past the dark and into this new light. I know it's not always a picnic over here, and so I'm going to write about it. Yeah, I want to think about integrating my domestic life a little better with my academic life, but I also think these issues and means of dealing with them are worth thinking about on their own.

What the heck is this all about?

Part One

Really, this is a question that I get a lot, although especially from my family and boyfriend. I suspect the only question I get more is, "what the heck are you wearing?", but that usually comes from my dad. It's almost a running joke. Almost.

In terms of background, I live in a fairly small city in Canada, on my own, in an apartment full of books and other assorted things (yeah, shoes too, I admit it). I'm a doctoral candidate finishing my third year and working on my dissertation. My research isn't really important here - suffice it to say that it's markedly removed from...well...most of the stuff that I'm hoping to work on and work through here.

So, then, what am I doing here? And what's with the title?

Well, the title is borrowed from a Van Morrison song, and I've posted the lyrics here. I started listening to it a lot recently, and thought it would make a great blog name, but it also seemed like it worked well with some of the things I was trying to puzzle through in terms of my life-at-large (as opposed to my life-as-academia.)

I sometimes feel like a dweller on the threshold, although I'm not always sure of what that threshold is. I do academic research, but the ivory tower is, in many ways, so far removed from other elements of my life, especially given my specific focus. So, I exist somewhere between these two worlds, one where I do academic research on fairly technological subject matter, and the other where I have a baby garden on my patio, knit socks for myself, cook vegetarian food, and concern myself more and more with environmental and food security issues.

To a degree, I've supressed this latter part of my life. Academic takes up so much of my time, and tends to come first. But more and more I feel like my interests here (fromerly dealt with only in the summer and those odd moments when I don't have things immediately due) need to be addressed in some way. They certainly won't take over from my academic life, but I think they need some more inclusion, because right now they're so very separate.

Of course, this isn't to say that these two things have to be mutually exclusive. It's just that I feel the divide very acutely at some times, and I'm not always sure how to reconcile it. Some of these concerns are making their way into my academic life a bit more as time progresses, but the divide is still there. I don't even think that I can work it out through here necessarily, but I at least want to give voice to these things and give them a bit more actual rather than just theoretical space in my life.

So, although I'm not as metaphorical as good old Van, I guess I feel like a dweller on the threshold of something new in my own life, or at least of something that's an increasingly source of concern and focus. And I hope, at least in some small way, to figure out what this is that I'm dealing with, and how I can better integrate it at least into my world, if not into my work.

Dweller on the Threshold

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

I have seen without perceiving
I have been another man
Let me pierce the realm of glamour
So I know just what I am

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

Feel the angel of the present
In the mighty crystal fire
Lift me up consume my darkness
Let me travel even higher

I'm a dweller on the threshold
As I cross the burning ground
Let me go down to the water
Watch the great illusion drown

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

I'm gonna turn and face the music
The music of the spheres
Lift me up consume my darkness
When the midnight disappears

I will walk out of the darkness
And I'll walk into the light
And I'll sing the song of ages
And the dawn will end the night

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I cross some burning ground
And I'll go down to the water
Let the great illusion drown

I'm a dweller on the threshold
And I'm waiting at the door
And I'm standing in the darkness
I don't want to wait no more

I'm a dweller on the threshold
Dweller on the threshold
I'm a dweller on the threshold
I'm a dweller on the threshold

- Van Morrison