A story of my stuff

I often feel like I have too much stuff. I think I've written about this before, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that's in my apartment. Certainly it's been commented on - often by me, very frequently by my parents, and even sometimes by my boyfriend and friends (most of whom are grad students and so move around a lot and try not to keep too many things.)

I've always had a fair amount of stuff. I have a lot of interests, and stuff seems to come along with that. But lately I've been finding that I'm acquiring more stuff not for interests or hobbies, but because it allows me to feel safe. Some of this is very practical - a grinder means I can make bread, and extra food means I can eat. Some of this might be less so - extra jeans means I'm less likely to run out, but I still suspect that I have too many pairs to truly be necessary.

As much as possible, I've been trying to pick up things that I need. This is a pretty significant change in my shopping habits and, to a degree, to my spending. I'm spending more, and more often than I have in awhile now (although, admittedly, most of this spending is still fairly minimal, since it's mostly been at the thrift store.) Over the past few months I've bought cast iron pots and pans, books, wool, blankets, sweaters, extra knitting needles, a mattress, canning supplies, a grinder, a washboard, sewing supplies, a flashlight, a hand-crank radio, and food. Still on my list are rechargeable batteries (preferably with a solar charger), a hand-crank blender, a grain mill, and a whole slew of other things.

The thing I'm having trouble with is this. I just keep buying stuff. And, really, it does help me feel more secure, and certainly more secure than the things I was buying before I was Peak Oil aware. Even with my apartment more full than it was before, I don't feel as overwhelmed in terms of space. But I don't like buying things, and I don't like buying things for feelings of security. While I wasn't completely blasé about the things I had before, I wasn't all that attached to them, and it wasn't a huge deal if something broke. But now, I feel like these things are important to me, and that increases theirvalue - they keep me warm, fed, and healthy, and for that I value them quite highly. Which also makes the threat of their loss more dire and more overwhelming in a totally different way than volume did.

So, I'm trying to think more about skills and relationships that I can develop. Skills and relationships that will both protect me and allow me to be useful to people without just relying on my stuff. It's difficult - sometimes I feel like I just want to hole up in here with the locks on the doors and the hatches battened down. But that's not the best approach, and I need to move beyond it. This is one of my biggest challenges - to forge community and find ways to get beyong this stuff.